It’s been a while I did not write anything.. almost a month huh?

It’s been challenging for me all this while. My spirit been up and down.. up and down.. I am trying to become positive but yes sometimes I faced negatives moment. These was all because of the Chemo side effects that I have to go thru. It really does disturb my emotion.. and negatives thoughts start to conquer my mind and I start to hate everything.. I hate everything about the Chemo.. which I think and feels slowly shutting me down!

Recently.. I refuse to go for my Chemo session. So much playing my mind. I hate the needles.. I hate to seat waiting for the drips to end.. and I hate what the chemo drips will do to me later (Chemo side effects).. I hate everything… and when the day came.. My heart pumping fast, I got hot flashes.. and I PANIC! The nurse actually poke the needle on my body already (On my chemo pod).. but I raise my hands and asked them to stop.

I was so panic that I am worried when the chemo drips run thru my body will gave other side effects.. I requested to see my oncologist. I met him and told him that I am not ready to go thru the chemo. He tried to persuade me by giving me some medication that will make me calm what so ever. I rejected all. I am worried if they give me the medication, it shut my body to calm but my soul still shouting don’t want to do it.. and that will be horrible.

So I demand to call it off for a day.

I am glad that he let me go by giving me some medication that helps me to sleep better that night. I went home with a CONFUSE heart.. Yes.. I don’t even happy actually. Because I am sad that I waste that day.. if only I went thru it I actually put another chemo numbers down.. but I just can’t do it. I am just not ready.. My body say can but my soul are not. So I listen to my heart.

That whole day I was feeling so horrible.. and one thing I always do if I face something like this.. is to talk to God. I struggle in my prayers.. (Believe it or not.. there is sometimes I felt like God is not listening to me anymore).. I asked God for strength.. I asked what shall I do.. While I am praying there is a negative voice in my heart whispering that God won’t help me.. But I keep my faith up.. I told my heart that God is listening.. He shown me his loves before and I will keep on my faith towards him even tho I have to die..

At the moment after I said that in my heart.. I start to see some vision.. I saw a vision that I am having chemo and my mom is there with me.. my heart suddenly felt very light… peace.. seriously.. peaceful.

My heart suddenly felt so ready to go back on the next day.. I took the medication that my oncologist gave me and I have a good sleep.

Next day.. early morning.. I talk to my mom if she is ok to accompany for the chemo session. She agreed and so many thins I have to rearrange. My hubby not able to send me to hospital and I decided to drive. I have to talk to my MIL to take care my small boy.. I sent my big boy to school 1st and direct to the hospital.

I am so thankful for all the people around me.. My mom.. my in laws.. I love them so much.

I reached hospital and did my chemo.. I was too much happiness (I don’t know why) that I greet all the nurses.. other patient.. I smile a lot and I think the nurses or other chemo patient will think I am crazy.. that’s how much joy I felt..

I went thru the chemo with calm.. and I drive home safely.. Thank you mom for accompany and GOD thank you.

*****

That was happened last Tuesday and Wednesday.. and I don’t lie that today I felt the feeling not to go to chemo again. I think I am so tired and fed up with the side effects already. I went thru 11 circles already and another 5 to go..

Yesterday was not feeling so well.. I start to loose my appetite.. But I know I have to eat to recover my body. Looking at my nail now a days.. it’s so bad. It’s pain!!! My bones aching all over.. felt like can brake anytime when I am walking… my feet and fingers are numb.. and pain! and other emotion inside my body that very hard to explain and I don’t like the feeling.. I just want to be come normal person again..

I am thinking to stop my chemo now.. But 1 think make me worried that I start to have uneasy on my liver side. Is it cancer? is it just a chemo side effects? bla bla bla.. I have so much worried..

I know I have to keep my faith in God.. but as a human this is wasn’t easy.. But I will keep doing that.. I will keep on holding unto God.

Someone send an email to me recently.. The guy who actually has over calmed his 4th stage cancer recently without went thru any chemo.. He always motivated us with some healthy message thru emails.. and this latest email is really motivated me..

Recently.. I am facing that.. wow I really need someone but I realised NO one can be able to understand me.. only those who going thru it or have been thru it can understand I think.. even hubby cannot really understand. I have a feeling that my mom can understand me some how.. but I did not really tell her what was going on in my mind.. because I don’t want her to feel worried.

People will always asked me not to think about it.. you know when That thing is in your body it is hard not to think about it.. trust me I tried very hard.. but it stick in my mind.. and I have to force sleeping with all the thoughts… It’s very hard..

The only way that can help me to over calm all the fears.. worried.. etc etc.. is with praying.. really help me to calm down..

Today I am much calm even sometimes that thought attacking me but I am able to push it aside.. Going out is one of the best way to have a relax mind.. staying too much in the house without doing nothing is not good.. but going out often will put me in danger due to I am having a very low immune system during chemo…

I really wanted my immune system.. all of them. I am glad I am taking the TF which I think helping me so much. Even tho I am surrounding with coughing… flu people in my house, still I did not get infected easily. (Palis2 :-p). Heran juga diaorang ni.. cepat betul kena jangkitan batuk2… oh I hope I don’t get it…

I still have decision to make wether want to continue the chemo or not.. I think I have made a decision.. I am thinking to request for less cycles for this Taxol chemo.. but continue with the herceptine. Actually I just don’t know with my decision yet.. May be I just go thru it for now and see how it goes.. I only have another 9 chemo to go and it’s done.. well of coz I still have radiotherapy for a month and herceptine which will continue until Febuary next year..

I think I googled too much.. I felt like wanted to slap my own face for doing that.. but yet still I am doing it… silly me. I even googled the history of A. Datin paduka seri Endon Mahmood our former first lady.. she died due to 3rd stage BC… yaiks! She went for the best treatment oversea and yet still died after 4th or 5th years… I am so sad to read about it and that was the 1 troubled me this few days… thinking about my kids..

But I set my mind this way.. People will have different fate.. some will live longer… may be shorter… so what I should do now is to live the day with the fullest… cherish… because sad or happy.. if it’s going to happen it will happen… we can only try our best to stay healthy and pray.

Ok.. need to stop here for now.. because during the talk with the guy who over calm his 4th stage cancer.. Most ladies got breast cancer is because..

1. lack of sweat.. Need to sweat like shower like that… To remove toxin in the body.

2. In front of lap top/ computer too much… (gulp!) Radiation…

Signing off..

So far I went thru for the 3rd cycles of my 2nd type of Chemo.. It will takes 12 cycles and on the same time my oncologist started the herceptine (Not Chemo.. it’s the HER2+ treatment.. which will go for a year) together.

I asked my friend Just who went thru the same chemo dose and she said this will be fine and not as hard as the 1st type of chemo dose. Even the oncologist said the same thing. I also asked some ladies who doing chemo together with me.. and they gave me different opinion.. which made me a little bit worried that time and actually happening to me at the moment..

I found out the effect was not that easy actually.. well compare to AC (The 1st type of chemo).. Of coz AC was worst but after the 9 days I felt OK.. as for this current chemo which call TAXOL.. wow.. it didn’t burn my heart and crushing my brain but it really attack my bones.. I can’t hardly walk.. it’s like all my bones are aching and sometimes I have to walk like an old ladies.. bongkok2..

It makes me lazy and sleepy almost every time.. the recent symptom was I felt all my organs are in pain.. both my kidneys.. my liver… and my heart pumping fast… That was a scary moment!!!! I felt I am going to die already… I got panic and my heart pump more harder… besides that I felt hot flashes from chest, shoulder to my brain… sometimes make it harder to cover my head and I just let my head open.. too hot! May be this is because my chemo is mixing with the herceptine.. ahhh… I don’t know..

Besides that.. my fingers are all still pain.. and I felt numbness and stabbing pain on my fingers and toes..

It’s only the 3rd cycles and I am feeling to surrender already.. I told my hubby that I don’t want to go thru this because I felt like IT really damaging my organs in a bad way…

Yesterday.. I got a call from a friend.. she invited me to come to her house to listen to this man who overcome his 4th stage lung cancer.. The guy was so thankful and he wanted to share to those who seeking for alternative way..

I was actually very reluctant to go.. my mind thought maybe it was just another direct selling. My friend said mostly cancer patient will come that night.. this guy did not went thru any chemo.. he just changed his diet and life style within 3 months he is clear from cancer…

I was so curios wanted to know.. the meet up suppose to start at 8pm.. and I made my decision just 5 minutes before it start.. yaiks.. called my hubby and told him about it.. he cancelled his meeting with his friends and brother just to accompany me.

We reached a little bit late because not able to find my friend house.. 1st time visiting..

Managed to captured this pic during the chat.. It was interesting to listen to this guy..

So many people.. readers.. are so kind to me that they sent me an email on how changing diet and lifestyle can actually help prevent or maybe cure cancer.. but when I go thru all the reading.. for me all that was too ‘cheap’ and impossible can cure something BIG and dangerous like cancer.. so I ignore.

On the same time still trying to look for all the survivor who able to live long.. trying to get tips from them.

Most of the time I will meet someone who will said.. ‘someone cure.. try this… ‘. I actually not interested if the person who introduce me is only referring to others or pic of others who I am not sure is true or not.

So yesterday night was a very exciting night… he brought along his CT scan from before and after… it happen just last year end of the year.. His cancer started from his lung and spread to 5 of his back bone.. He hesitate to go for chemo.. he decided to changed his diet and lifestyle. He is not a smoker yet he got a lung cancer.

He explained this is most probably caused by ‘Benzine’ which released inside our car if exposed too much on the sun.. it came from our leather carseats.. and also from the 1st blow of the car aircond. His working environment needed him to seat long hours in car.. most of the time in a car.. so he advised to unwind our car window let all the heat out and don’t straight switch on the aircond..

I was amazed to see his CT scan result was clear within 3 months by doing what he share us that night.

Doctor was shocked.. They keep on injecting the Sugar liquid on his body to look for the cancer cell and it wasn’t there anymore.. not even a bit.

He also said.. actually there is a cancer cure already.. just that the medical world is covering all this because it will be such a great lost ($$$$$) for them with all this expensive drugs… in some how I believe on that… because it’s Business!!

I did managed to take a note on some of his points last night.. but I did not brought any paper and pen so I have troubled to type on my Blackberry… I have painful fingers as well and that was really hard. Any way.. I will update this post again.. will add his tips here once my eyes are better… I can’t stare on laptop too long… all because chemo side effects..

Psst… He mentioned B17.. and we were given some last night too… but no Durian Belanda??? Alahai…  ;-p

Dilemma.. is referring to my decision.. shall I stop this chemo and continue with traditional way.. or continue to damage my organs with all the chemo?? It’s a big risk… both decision… is a risk. That night a doctor who is having cancer stage 4.. talking to me.. he is a doctor but stop with chemo.. because chemo don’t promise a cure and it damaging the organs.. I almost faint! It’s like now what shall I do.. stop chemo? If I stopped.. my life will be much shorter as what my breast surgeon scared me before (She said.. if I dont go chemo.. I only can live for 2 yrs. If I go for chemo.. I will managed to see my grandchildren.. I know that was not so true but I smiled)… I am hesitate to go for traditional.. because I know someone who died because she did not went for chemo because she don’t want to suffer like her sister.. she choose traditional.. unfortunately she died within a year after knowing she got cancer….  sigh! Dilemma…

To be updated soon..

Another 2 days I will be going for my 2nd chemo (of the 2nd medication). I finished the strongest medication and I am glad. This time I am under the Taxol. Will go for 12 cycles of this.. because this chemo not giving as bad as the AC chemo.. I will have to take this every week!!

I admit the side effects are more lesser. During chemo time, I felt so sleepy and I slept the whole session during chemo. Before the drip start moving thru my blood stream, the nurse advise me to call them IF I ever felt itchy.. hot flashes.. and hard to breath during the chemo.. Oh man.. that made me panic for a while.. When they start the drips I was sooo in a panic mode.. scared if all that symptom happen on me.. yaiks! Thank God nothing happen after half and hour and they start to increased the drips movement.

On the 1st cycle I have to start the Taxol together with the Herceptine. So it took quite some time this time..

I hate the smells of the liquid that they used to wipe my skin before poking me.. hate..

This time side effects is sleepy.. especially on the chemo day.. I was so sleepy the whole day. But I thank God that no more pain on the nose.. head and on burning throat.. Just sleepy..

Besides that I felt all my fingers are pain.. the feel like my finger just hit by door.. you know what I mean? The whole finger.. and my toes sometimes felt numb with poking pain. It comes and goes.. but I definitely not able to peel with my fingers. I have to ask my mom to help me to poke an orange before I can removed the skin..

The worst part is the feeling of hot flashes on my body.. it comes and goes especially during sleeping time. But at least I don’t have burning sensation on my throat and stomach like the AC did to me. I am so glad it’s over.

My eyes problem is still there… watery eyes.. and sometimes blurry..

I often felt pain on the operation side under my armpit too.. and sometimes pain on my arm on the same hand.. But other patient experiencing the feeling too and I think I don’t have to worry much.

I hope and pray that everything is going to be easy on me in terms of side effects..

Seriously.. I actually fed up with all these treatment.. haha… but I just have no choice..

I miss to have my hair you know.. haha.. Felt bored with bald style already haha… But I can take the baldness.. what I hate the most is.. to have low immune system.. urghhhh… I am taking my TF to help on my immune system but it won’t bring up as normal people have.. but it does help me in some ways.. I felt I recover quite fast from flu and cough.. I think I recover faster than my family who started the cough 1st.. haha..

Feeling so lazy most all the time.. lazy to go shopping… lazy to cook… wah I am super lazy.. don’t want to waste my time with lazying around… Mmmm may be going to start sewing my Hari Raya collection.. Finger cross..

Personal Note: Admitted on the 2nd day of CNY.. fever 39ºc.. reached hospital fever go down but still have to stay for over night. Doc wanted me to take antibiotic thru drips. Next day discharged.. My white blood cell was very low that time but increasing during I discharged.

The picture above is just showing what I made a week ago while fighting with all my chemo side effects.. I was making my own homemade noodles.. anyway will put up that under my cooking category.

I am actually very very very lazy to update.. oppsss… sorryyyy..

This is all because of some of the side effects I am having now which really make me out of mood. Currently I am having flu and cough which make my body feeling tired.. recently all my family members was attacked by flu and cough.. actually they still have it.. sigh. As the lowest immune system human (Chemo side effect) in the family.. I am affected. This will take loooong time to cure according to my fren who went thru chemo before.. oh my. I just hope the TF will help me to fight all this. It wasn’t easy! Feeling weak.. It’s on my 9th day after Chemo, I supposed gain back my strength already but due to this infection.. I am still weak.. but still can drive and send my boy to school sometimes.

Today I am trying to fight all the weaknesses.. I went out for a groceries shopping and later fetched by boy from school.. oh boy I am tired.. flat now..

1 more thing that made me no mood to update is my eyes.. I can’t stare my laptop monitor too long, even my HP. It makes me dizzy and my eyes are watery and blurry.. so irritating! All the words I am typing looks double on my vision now.. sigh… I hope this will be only temporary..  :(

I got few things to update but need a good time to work on it.. may be day time.. urghhh… I can’t really see… I think I need to sign off now..

Before that.. I got to write this down. I been notty lately especially on my diet. I been so scared and particular with my food during my 1st Chemo.. lately I started to disobey my fear.. that was because after having a chat with some of the cancer patient which having treatment with me.. I think they were right in some point but I cannot just jump into the deep ocean even tho I know I can’t swim.. can’t even float.. ;-p

May be I just seat and soak both my legs instead.. only.. Jangan bunuh diri.. :-p (You might be confuse with what I am trying to say here..)

I starting eating sweet stuff again.. eating meat.. dare to go and eat satay.. But no beef (I don’t like beef anyway).. yaiks.. I know it’s ok to take a little.. but I think I am wayyyyy to much… mcm org sihat! yaiks..

Got to control my self again.. I miss eating salad!! But I just can’t during this treatment..

Today I made honey lemon drink hoping that it can help on my cough.. it helped me during my pregnancy.. So I tried it on my treatment. Unfortunately I read before that cancer patient cannot take any sugar including HONEY???? I was so angry to read.. But some says it actually a cure to cancer..

Urghhh… Sometimes I just don’t know who to trust.. I became so disappointed.. and angry with all these facts actually.. It’s like.. actually… cancer patient cannot eat anything… we just wait to die.. ):

#angry

Serba salah.. that is what I am feeling sometimes.. I choose to join the people who said honey is actually good.. but what happen if It really true that honey is sugar family and feeding cancer?? Whoaa… Betul2 serba salad..

But you know what.. I decided to take honey.. moderate.. I have a good feeling it is alright to take honey then refined sugar.. Just have to follow my gut now..

I know 1 for sure that to have very good immune system will stop cancer cell from multiply and form into tumor again.. I guess I have to depend on my TF.. and of coz GOD.. Everything happened is allowed by Him because there is a purpose.. Praise The Lord.

I tried to search for Dentist yesterday.. unfortunately it was holiday and I have no choice to go to pharmacy to look for a medication. The pharmacist know me.. she know I am on Chemo.. so she gave me something that can help. I took 1 pill hopefully can ease the pain.. it took quite long time to react. But it does help a little. At night I got fever.. around 37.8 is the highest.

Today went to hospital a little bit late because woke up late.. not enough sleep my boys both down with fever and cough.. me and hubby taking care of them at night.. sigh..

The Chemo day care was full today.. so while waiting I went to see dentist at the same hospital. The dentist said that my tooth actually rotten from inside because I got old filling on it.. so she suggested for a ‘root canal’..? I been given some antibiotics as well. Not only that the dentist asked me to remove my wisdom teeth too.. yaiks.. that 1 may be after I finish my treatment la.. ~.~

Today I thought will never meet my new friends during chemo.. before I went for the dentist, I went inside the room to look for them and they got their seat already. I told them I will need to go dentist 1st.. when I came back V already finished her treatment.. and she is going to finish her treatment on next appointment.. so nice. C is still there and surprisingly she just started her dose.. so we sit together..

So happy this is my last AC.. I need to eat my TF regularly so that I can have my strength fast!

My next chemo will be the TAXOL (16x or 19x? I need to check with my doc about this.. I hope its 16x).. and will start together with the HERCEPTINE.. My friend C said taxol and herceptine not much side effects like AC.. will only get slightly headache on the 1st day.. and the rest of the day will be alright. I hope it goes well with my body too..

Some recap on my 3rd chemo.. after the 7th day I was feeling so much better… actually much faster than previous effects.. I ate prune to help me on my constipation.. I drink alkaline water and took my TF regularly.. and I felt so much better… only that my tooth starting aching few days before my 4th chemo.. sigh.. but it’s ok now..

• Constipation : I think I did not consume enough fiber on my diet during the whole week after chemo. I did drink a lot of water but not enough. Body so heaty due to the chemo made everything did not functioning very well especially my colon.. ;p. I got bleeding stool and it was hard!!! Doc gave me some medication to help me on this problem.. I did not take it after 1st consumption because it gave my stomach upset.. I got gastric and stomach pain every time I eat or drink.. suffer.. But after the bad experience trying to poop.. I force myself to take the medicine.. and on the next day I am able to do my business but in pain because IT already injured and hurt badly that changed my mind don’t want to pass motion.. .Got to eat more fruits and drink coconut.

• Heaty.. heaty.. I felt it worst this time around. Is it going to be more worst on the 4th?? Oh help.. I don’t even bother to wear my cap at home now a days anymore.. my head too hot!! I prefer to use my son’s napkin to cover my head because it’s more comfort in my head.. I felt hot flashes in my body.. my body turn red and even my face skin peeling. Throat burning until my tongue turn pale very white.

I am taking the light blue and the Riovida juice often.. because the dark blue is quit heaty for me.. can’t stand anything heaty during this AC chemo..

 

As usual after the 9 days after every chemo I will feel much better and I am doing my normal chores and also sending my boy to school.. Pic above while waiting for my boy to come out from school.. saw the lady carrying a bundle of Sabah Snake Grass Plant.. (This plant must be very good too.. anyway I planted it at my house now and it grows so well.. Thank God)

I am enlighten to received a visit from a blogger friend of mine.. Justina with her friend Tunung (Both visited me during my stay in the ward too.. thank you ladies.. ). Our meet up got other agenda but on the same time they visiting me too..

I am so sorry for not really allowing guest to my house during my treatment but allowing the 2 ladies to come because Justina is special for me.. hihi.. She just finished her Chemo 4-5 months ago too for Breast cancer. She is 1 of my fren who I always referring to when ever I am in panic experiencing some weird feeling during Chemo haha..

It’s good to have friends who have already gone thru or under ongoing treatment.. They understand us well.. I did not said other friend is not important.. but it’s totally different. Some friends can only read and see because they lost of word.. in this situation there is no word can actually fit.. I been there before so I totally understand. But for those who constantly dropping an encouragement message.. I noticed that and you never know how touch am I and I keep that in my heart. THANK YOU.

Yey Yey Mak datang.. I am thanking God that I still have my mom.. and she is always be there for me.. everytime I am not well.. deliver my kids.. she is there.. Eventho she is not feeling so well, sakit kaki she still managed to come alone by flight. I felt so bad that she have to walk so far with her pain foot.. I really2 didn’t know she got that pain.. If only I know I could have bought her MAS only.. don’t have to walk so far..

GREATEST LOVE..

Not forgetting my Mother in law.. helping me sending and fetching my boy from school during my critical moment during this chemo.. I will be only taking back my duty after the 7 or 9 days..

So.. yesterday was my 3rd Chemo.. I hate to see the pic above actually.. hate it.. haha.. But incase for you who don’t know how Chemo works.. it’s just like that.. Pushing the Chemo Chemical into my drip line..

Me and hubby planned to go early so that we can go back early.. When I woke up yesterday I stuck with bad constipation for 1st time during Chemo.. It was so bad until I got bleeding stool!! I seat in the toilet bowl for almost an hour.. I don’t want to be late.. so I have no choice but to DIG IT!! *faint*

It wasn’t over.. but I force to stop and get ready to hospital..

On the way to hospital.. I drank lot’s of water.. Take blood (A must everytime before Chemo) and went for breakfast.. Finished my Bfast I felt like going to the toilet again.. Oh mannn… not again! I went to the toilet and choose the squatting type of toilet.. wow.. it really helps me to RELEASE easier haha.. but in pain tho..

I felt much better and ready for Chemo.

I am looking for the group of ladies that I really wanted to join.. haha.. I saw 2 of them this time.. I actually seat a little bit far from them.. BUT my hubby go and seat next to them and start the conversation telling them that how bad I wanted to join them chit chat.. HOW EMBARRASSING… yet.. Thank God! haha.. by hubby that type of person beware! haha..

So.. I make friends with them and it was such a relief. I gain so much knowledge from them. They both on Herceptine.. Like me which will go for Herceptine on the final treatment. They went thru so much and experience a lot already.

I asked so many questions and get tips from them.

I am going to list it down here for my ref:

1. Hand exercise.. Never skipped this twice a day (Salam.. stretch up.. hair comb).. or hand will get stiff forever, water retention which so hard to cure (Some never cure *gulp*), hand will have no strength in future to lift up.
2. Exercise with soft ball.. must always keep the ball in handy.. bring anyway in your handbag..
3. Never lift heavy stuff using the affected area, which ever the lymph nodes been removed. Never carry your handbag with that hand.. (Oh my.. I will never play bowling anymore is it?? Coz my affected hand was my right hand.. )
4. Never ever let any nurses take blood or check blood pressure on the affected hand.. coz it will cause swelling which might take long time to heal or never.
5. Always try to exercise hands and feet to avoid turning blue and nail remove from finger.. yaiks! Simple rub hands palm together while fingers in between to each other. Rub up and down until warm. Feet.. seat, put leg straight and move your feet to knock each side together.. like v shape. move it fast.. it’s tiring for me haha.. but I will try. It works for the ladies.. so I will try it too.
6. Food.. Most of them are so conscious with their food actually. They did their homework to write down what is alkaline.. what is acidic.. at the end.. They found out they can’t eat anything. So 1 day some1 talk to them.. how are you going to have strength? If die with cancer is a different story.. But die because starving how? some more got cancer.. So they start eating normal healthy food.. they actually eat KFC if the want but moderate.. example the burger.. they took half only. But still avoiding Seafood.
7. Drink more water.. take care of your kidney.. for long term..
8. No more using plastic.. they saw my water bottle.. I am using tupperware… but still.. it’s plastic.. ;p

It’s good to chat with both of them.. I wanted to put their names here.. Hi Connie (Chinese.. 4th stage) and Vas.. err I forgot was it Vashmathi or Vasmani? (Indian.. 2nd stage).. She is the one with swollen arm and it’s almost a year and it still there.. so she gave me good advice and tips on that.. Thank You..

They both done and left me alone.. not much people that day.. we will meet again in 3 weeks time.. it was great chatting with them.. we have our hp.. ipad.. but that moment we did not touch our gadgets at all.. chatting sharing experience and stories all the way..

Looking for my softball for hand exercise .. just look what my small boy has done.. he thoughts it was a new version of apple may be.. haha..

Oh last but not least.. my previous 2nd Chemo experience :

• Gastric (1-10days)
• Stabbing painnnnn on the affected breast area
• I am having my period.. which I am not supposed too
• Bad constipation on the day I am having my 3rd chemo

For the 2nd chemo.. I gain my strength back quite slow.. Not like my 1st AC chemo.. I gain it just after the 7th days or a week after the chemo.

I been lazy on my 2nd circle.. I knew that I will gain back my normal strength after a week so I been lazy.. sleep most of the time and less exercise and movement by doing house chores.. On my 1st chemo I try not too sleep to much on day time.. I tried to do light chores.. May be that is why my strength comes quick.. I guess I must not too lazy if I want my body recover fast.. Lesson learnt.. ;p

I am having bad gastric on my 2nd chemo circle.. but it stop may be around day 10 and above.. and I am just alright up to today.

The only thing that really make me worry was I been experiencing a stabbing pain on the affected breast area during the 2nd circle of my AC chemo.. It comes and go but I think I recognise that pain.. The same pain that I am feeling when the lump is permanent on my breast before operation but this time more painful. Gosh!! What is it now….????

I have a thought is the cancer spreading? Is the AC chemo not working on me?? I am worry.. because I have HER2+.. meaning.. cancer type fast growing… that is why I have to go for Herceptine (Together with Taxol) after this AC chemo.

I did some searching about it and most patient actually experiencing the same way during their chemo treatment. But I am not sure if I supposed to relief of what..

Anyhow I will be having my 3rd AC chemo this coming Tuesday.. I will tell my oncologist about this.. or may be go and consult my breast surgeon doctor.. will do that.. I hope no more bad news.. I hate bad news.. O.+

Sometimes I regretted that I did not do the mastectomy (Removing the whole breast).. I can do re-construction anyway (Not covered by insurance tho.. price around RM5k). Mastectomy is the best way to avoid from recurrence.

I just have to wait until Tuesday and see what the news is..

My 1st post this year.. haha.. It’s been busy since the school reopened. My boy is in standard 1 this year and as parents we are quite nervous for him. But I am relief that he is doing alright so far. Me and hubby were there on his orientation day..

On the 1st day real schooling day.. Me and hubby sent him but only hubby went down to accompany him heading to the assembly area and we left. On recess time I came down to his school to check on him if he is doing fine. I monitored him from far.. and I am glad he is doing fine..

I talk to him for a while and I went home.. I think he can be independent.. He got friends so.. I am relief.

Me and hubby fetched him after school.. I monitored him from far as well.. see if he is listening, know where to wait. He actually went to different place but I still can see him.

Day 1.. was a success and I think we don’t have to keep on baby sit him in school anymore. I was wrong about him before (Worried he will be cry or scared to be left in school) but I am totally wrong and I am so proud of him..

Mummy proud of you son.. keep it up.. Love you!

I was a little bit worried to see the chaos situation during recess.. So many parent drama.. haha.. pity to see some little children who have to struggle on their own in canteen and some parents just being selfish not to at least let the children seat.. and what they did was to instruct their kids to BLOCKED the seat for ‘who and who’ to seat in case they saw them.. it suppose to be 1st come 1st serve.. sigh.. Some poor children have to eat while standing.

But I am glad there was an uncle who actually work in that school.. not a teacher but may be helper in the school.. He ask all the parents to move from that seat and let children to seat.. I hope this chaos will end soon and the children will be more organised.

I even saw mom still feeding their kids.. oh ow.. I know I shouldn’t talk about people ;p.. Just wondering how if no parents allowed to babysit anymore..

Anyway.. we love our kids.. we worried.. but they will be ok soon.. We pray the best for our children..

How many of you reading this.. have kids just enter standard 1 this year? Good luck ya..